What is the one thing all human beings want? Attention. (Women maybe a liiiittle more than men!).
It’s true that if you want something from someone, or Universe, you have to give it first.
Not have to give it first, but usually it works that way for me. If you treat people nice, people will be nice to you; if you smile, usually, people will smile back at you, if you donate money to good causes, money will come back to you, etc..
Human beings are strange in the sense that we go on automatic and get used to situations, people, being healthy, having food on our table and being taken care of. I think at some point there’s a fine line where the ‘giver’ starts to wonder if he or she is getting back what they want, what they need. And if the answer is no, then all hell could break loose!
I say could, because this is where our beliefs, patterns and values kick in. Am I supposed to keep on giving even if I’m not getting back what I want? I am giving to the right people or places? How long do I continue giving and waiting to get back what I want? Maybe I should hold on to this job, relationship, treatment because things will change. Guilt, responsibility, fear, doubt kick in.
Of course how much one gives is a choice. And what expectations we have on the ‘return of investment’ is also a choice.
So, this is when we start to think what kind of relationships we want. Is where you’re putting your focus and energy the worthiest place for it? If you would give a little less to these people or situations, will their lives change significantly? In a positive or negative way? Would yours?
In the descriptions in Wikipedia, Acknowledgement related to law is a declaration or avowal of one’s own act, to give it legal validity. Related to creative arts it’s a statement of gratitude for assistance in producing a work.
I took these two examples, because I think it’s hard to pin-point exactly all that acknowledgement witholds. For me it’s a combination of declaring the act of someone, recognizing them and thanking them.
How do you feel when someone asks you about your job, but really wants to know, in detail?! First you’ll think she or he is a freak. Then you’ll get so excited in the story that you’ll just feel good! How do you feel when your couple tells you how much you do for her or him? How much he or she learns from you? Grows thanks to you? And how about your guests complementing you on the dinner you just prepared for them? Or your kids seeing you tired one evening and asking you about your day? Nice ah?
Someone you care about sees you, recognizes you and you feel supported, loved. As Robert Dilts would say, someone that sponsors you.
Here is my point. I think nowadays the concept of acknowledging other people has faded away. We are so busy wanted to be acknowledged that we forget to do it first!
What’s worse I think, is the NON acknowledgement.
When you come across people that make a point of not acknowledging you because maybe it takes away from them. I know this may sound strong, but I think that’s a sign of weakness and selfishness. We are so caught up in our routine and insecurities, that we have a hard time opening our hearts to other people. The declaration of saying you do this great, I think is nowadays tacitly taken as, and I am not so this means I am less cool. It’s not a competition!
I’ve come across people during my life that specifically made a point of non acknowledging me, and it’s a very confusing feeling.
The sense of being purposefully not recognized and seen, acknowledged. It’s not that they don’t like me, they just don’t “like” me! And I see the effort they put into NON acknowledging me. Like if I took away form them, I don’t know ( I have my theory of course, but that would be a whole other article!).
These people have taught me so much, because in my wanting to be liked by everyone, I could not stand the fact of not being accepted by them. Until I finally realized that what I wanted I had to give to myself. And what they didn’t ‘give’ me was something they couldn’t give to themselves. Then I stopped looking at them and why this and why that. Doesn’t matter, that’s they’re journey, I needed to focus on mine.
Don’t wait to get from someone else something that you will NEVER get because they’re unable to give it to you. If you decide to give, knowing that you will not be acknowledged, that’s another thing.
Invest and spend time with people that give you the attention you deserve and don’t waste your time and energy chasing the challenge of conquering an enemy.
Enough to know why their indifference bothers you so much, and then move on. There are so many people out there waiting for your acknowledgement and unconditional attention!
Remember to give it to yourself first!
Have a great week,